1
00:00:01,980 --> 00:00:03,709
I hope Que's still here.

2
00:00:03,710 --> 00:00:05,240
My bladder's about to burst.

3
00:00:06,700 --> 00:00:08,249
Well, it's your own fault.

4
00:00:08,250 --> 00:00:10,332
I've never seen a
restaurant cut a guy off

5
00:00:10,333 --> 00:00:12,299
from bottomless lemonade.

6
00:00:12,300 --> 00:00:14,379
It's a medical thing.

7
00:00:14,380 --> 00:00:16,225
Dry tongue runs in my family.

8
00:00:19,100 --> 00:00:21,339
Hey, Calvin, Dave. What's up?

9
00:00:21,340 --> 00:00:23,065
Uh, your toilet seat in
about three seconds.

10
00:00:25,330 --> 00:00:28,700
Eh, sorry about that, Que.
I'm still potty training him.

11
00:00:28,720 --> 00:00:30,530
When I did that with my dog,

12
00:00:30,553 --> 00:00:32,782
I used to whack him with
a rolled-up newspaper.

13
00:00:32,783 --> 00:00:34,951
I tried that. It didn't work.

14
00:00:36,693 --> 00:00:38,535
Oh, sorry, man, we're closed.

15
00:00:38,536 --> 00:00:40,149
I'm not here for a haircut.

16
00:00:40,150 --> 00:00:42,625
I'm here for the money.
Now hand it over.

17
00:00:42,626 --> 00:00:43,877
What?

18
00:00:43,893 --> 00:00:45,462
Why would he give you any money?

19
00:00:45,463 --> 00:00:49,716
Because right now I'm asking nicely.

20
00:00:49,717 --> 00:00:53,012
Oh. I mean, he did ask politely.

21
00:00:54,930 --> 00:00:57,289
Well, don't just stand there,
Que. Do something.

22
00:00:57,290 --> 00:00:59,659
Good call. See ya!

23
00:00:59,660 --> 00:01:00,728
Seriously?

24
00:01:00,743 --> 00:01:03,855
If you didn't cut my hair for free,
I would change barbers!

25
00:01:03,856 --> 00:01:05,552
All right, you.

26
00:01:05,553 --> 00:01:06,858
Empty the cash box.

27
00:01:06,859 --> 00:01:09,099
No problem. After what he just did,

28
00:01:09,100 --> 00:01:11,020
I'd give you the tip jar, too.

29
00:01:12,180 --> 00:01:14,360
Ooh, that feels much better.

30
00:01:14,366 --> 00:01:17,535
And who put my phone
number above the urinal?

31
00:01:17,536 --> 00:01:20,080
Uh, uh, Dave?

32
00:01:20,103 --> 00:01:22,916
Oh, hey. Dave Johnson.

33
00:01:22,933 --> 00:01:24,542
You just stay right there.

34
00:01:24,543 --> 00:01:27,046
Don't worry, I washed my hands.

35
00:01:28,170 --> 00:01:30,660
He doesn't care about
your hygiene, Dave.

36
00:01:30,680 --> 00:01:31,883
He's here to rob the place.

37
00:01:31,884 --> 00:01:36,638
Oh. Well, in that case, uh,
I take my handshake back.

38
00:01:36,639 --> 00:01:38,765
Get over there with your friend.

39
00:01:38,766 --> 00:01:41,351
I think you mean best friend.

40
00:01:41,352 --> 00:01:44,896
Dave, now is not the time.

41
00:01:44,897 --> 00:01:46,648
Okay, all right, well,

42
00:01:46,649 --> 00:01:49,219
let me just go over here so I can...

43
00:01:49,220 --> 00:01:51,069
powder your nose!

44
00:01:51,070 --> 00:01:53,119
Quick, Calvin, call the police!

45
00:01:53,120 --> 00:01:55,073
I will. But first let me grab his gun.

46
00:01:55,074 --> 00:01:57,034
What... He has a gun?

47
00:01:58,100 --> 00:01:59,770
Dave, get over here and hold him down!

48
00:01:59,780 --> 00:02:02,910
Okay!

49
00:02:02,915 --> 00:02:05,334
Thank God this happened after I peed.

50
00:02:07,169 --> 00:02:11,380
- Synced and corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --

51
00:02:12,883 --> 00:02:15,619
So then the cops came,
they took the dude away

52
00:02:15,620 --> 00:02:17,199
and asked us for our statements.

53
00:02:17,200 --> 00:02:19,052
Yeah, which was hard for me to give,

54
00:02:19,053 --> 00:02:21,670
because my dry tongue came
back with a vengeance.

55
00:02:24,090 --> 00:02:27,449
I still can't believe you guys
got robbed at gunpoint.

56
00:02:27,450 --> 00:02:29,441
I'm just so glad you're both okay.

57
00:02:29,442 --> 00:02:31,080
Yeah, me, too.

58
00:02:31,090 --> 00:02:32,559
Aw, baby.

59
00:02:32,560 --> 00:02:34,940
I don't want you going
back to the barbershop.

60
00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:36,620
I'll cut your hair from now on.

61
00:02:38,400 --> 00:02:40,080
Thanks, babe,

62
00:02:40,100 --> 00:02:43,740
but I'd rather take my
chances with the gun.

63
00:02:43,747 --> 00:02:46,082
It's so cool what you did, Dad.

64
00:02:46,083 --> 00:02:49,294
You're like Batman, except
with a much lamer car.

65
00:02:51,505 --> 00:02:54,790
It was not that big a deal, and, Grover,

66
00:02:54,791 --> 00:02:57,719
there is nothing lame
about a reliable hatchback

67
00:02:57,720 --> 00:03:00,596
that gets 30 miles to the gallon.

68
00:03:00,597 --> 00:03:03,249
Y-You know what? Grover's right.

69
00:03:03,250 --> 00:03:04,900
You're a hero, Dave.

70
00:03:04,901 --> 00:03:06,769
Just because you got a boring car

71
00:03:06,770 --> 00:03:08,439
and an unintimidating physique

72
00:03:08,440 --> 00:03:11,719
and a pretty squeaky voice, uh...

73
00:03:11,720 --> 00:03:13,944
w-where was I going with this?

74
00:03:14,820 --> 00:03:15,940
Uh, well,

75
00:03:15,946 --> 00:03:17,947
I think you were complimenting me.

76
00:03:17,948 --> 00:03:19,880
Oh. Yes. Right.

77
00:03:19,890 --> 00:03:22,410
Look, the point is is I owe you one.

78
00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:26,449
Well, in that case, why
don't you finally let me

79
00:03:26,450 --> 00:03:27,875
teach you to play Frisbee golf?

80
00:03:29,620 --> 00:03:32,750
Like I told Tina, I'd rather
take my chances with the gun.

81
00:03:35,860 --> 00:03:37,049
Oh, hey, Gemma.

82
00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:38,342
Hi, Marty.

83
00:03:38,343 --> 00:03:39,579
You know, it's pretty crazy
what happened to Dave

84
00:03:39,580 --> 00:03:40,763
and my dad last night, huh?

85
00:03:40,764 --> 00:03:43,260
Crazy? More like horrifying,

86
00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:46,809
or terrifying or "I didn't
sleep a wink"-ifying.

87
00:03:46,810 --> 00:03:49,188
Oh, so school principals can
just make up words now?

88
00:03:51,600 --> 00:03:53,219
I'm just so freaked out.

89
00:03:53,220 --> 00:03:55,179
I know they're okay,
but I keep imagining

90
00:03:55,180 --> 00:03:56,694
all the things that could've gone wrong.

91
00:03:56,695 --> 00:03:58,619
You know, I do the same
thing whenever I'm thinking

92
00:03:58,620 --> 00:04:00,573
of asking a girl out, but
it always winds up okay.

93
00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:03,075
- Really?
- Yeah, 'cause I never do it.

94
00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:07,328
Ugh, I just wish there was something

95
00:04:07,329 --> 00:04:09,457
that could help me
take my mind off of it.

96
00:04:09,458 --> 00:04:10,719
Well, if you want, you can come help me

97
00:04:10,720 --> 00:04:11,817
work in my vegetable garden.

98
00:04:11,818 --> 00:04:13,699
- I always find it's relaxing.
- You do?

99
00:04:13,700 --> 00:04:17,298
Yeah, it's peaceful, quiet,
it helps me clear my head.

100
00:04:17,299 --> 00:04:18,841
All right, I'll give it a shot.

101
00:04:18,842 --> 00:04:22,011
Great. It'll be fun-tasterrific.

102
00:04:22,012 --> 00:04:23,429
Nice try, Marty,

103
00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:25,641
but leave the fake-titious
words to the professionals.

104
00:04:29,320 --> 00:04:32,640
Hey, hey, y'all. Here's
the man of the hour.

105
00:04:32,648 --> 00:04:34,106
And I also brought Dave.

106
00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:36,149
What's up, Dave?!

107
00:04:36,150 --> 00:04:37,580
Whoa, I wasn't expecting all this.

108
00:04:37,600 --> 00:04:39,028
Looks like word spread pretty fast.

109
00:04:39,029 --> 00:04:41,459
Yeah, almost as fast as Que
ran his ass out of here

110
00:04:41,460 --> 00:04:42,570
when he saw that gun.

111
00:04:43,740 --> 00:04:46,160
Hey, I ran to call the cops,

112
00:04:46,180 --> 00:04:47,919
'cause I get better phone reception

113
00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:49,280
hiding underneath my bed.

114
00:04:50,560 --> 00:04:51,900
So, come on, Dave.

115
00:04:51,920 --> 00:04:53,120
Give us the details.

116
00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:55,029
Oh, yeah, and you ain't got
to start from the beginning.

117
00:04:55,030 --> 00:04:57,213
Que filled us in on
the first ten seconds.

118
00:04:58,710 --> 00:05:01,460
I mean, come on, guys, it-it
really was not that big a deal.

119
00:05:01,480 --> 00:05:04,000
I, just, was in the right
place at the right time.

120
00:05:04,020 --> 00:05:06,119
Dave, stop being so modest.

121
00:05:06,120 --> 00:05:07,952
This might actually be the only time

122
00:05:07,953 --> 00:05:11,185
somebody really wants to
hear what you got to say.

123
00:05:11,186 --> 00:05:13,564
Yeah, man, tell us how
you took this fool down.

124
00:05:13,565 --> 00:05:15,520
Okay, look, I...

125
00:05:15,540 --> 00:05:17,139
I guess it all started
when I looked at the menu

126
00:05:17,140 --> 00:05:18,860
and I saw the words
"bottomless lemonade."

127
00:05:18,861 --> 00:05:22,189
Okay, Dave, you have been
cool for, like, 12 hours.

128
00:05:22,190 --> 00:05:23,740
Don't blow it now.

129
00:05:25,060 --> 00:05:27,239
Okay, look, there's
not that much to say.

130
00:05:27,240 --> 00:05:29,109
You know, I came out of the
bathroom, I saw the guy,

131
00:05:29,110 --> 00:05:31,038
and I could sense that
something was wrong.

132
00:05:31,039 --> 00:05:32,373
Ooh, like Spider-Man.

133
00:05:32,374 --> 00:05:34,835
I told y'all Spidey-senses was real.

134
00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:41,422
Come on, Randy, I'm not Spider-Man.

135
00:05:41,423 --> 00:05:42,952
Although...

136
00:05:42,953 --> 00:05:48,056
a lot of people have been
comparing me to Batman.

137
00:05:48,940 --> 00:05:50,879
They've all been under the age of ten,

138
00:05:50,880 --> 00:05:52,679
but ain't lying.

139
00:05:52,680 --> 00:05:54,200
Keep going, man.

140
00:05:55,280 --> 00:05:57,299
All right, well, I mean,
I guess I could tell you

141
00:05:57,300 --> 00:05:59,102
what I did to the guy or...

142
00:05:59,103 --> 00:06:00,568
I could show you!

143
00:06:00,569 --> 00:06:02,946
Hey, hey!

144
00:06:08,820 --> 00:06:09,980
You were right, Marty.

145
00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:12,260
This is really helping me calm down.

146
00:06:12,270 --> 00:06:13,399
Yeah, I know.

147
00:06:13,400 --> 00:06:15,625
I just love getting my
hands down in the earth,

148
00:06:15,626 --> 00:06:18,152
nurturing my little baby vegetables.

149
00:06:18,153 --> 00:06:19,504
It helps me stay grounded.

150
00:06:20,631 --> 00:06:24,468
Plus, their dependence on me
makes me feel like a god.

151
00:06:26,100 --> 00:06:28,380
Oh, hey, Gemma.
What are you doing out here

152
00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:30,929
with Marty and his Cabbage Patch Kids?

153
00:06:30,930 --> 00:06:33,039
Well, Marty thought gardening

154
00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:35,360
might help take my mind off
what happened last night,

155
00:06:35,380 --> 00:06:36,579
and he was right.

156
00:06:36,580 --> 00:06:38,399
It is so nice to only be thinking

157
00:06:38,400 --> 00:06:39,812
about what's right in front of me.

158
00:06:39,813 --> 00:06:42,193
Carrots and radishes... Oh, my God!

159
00:06:42,194 --> 00:06:44,182
What?! Did you see a potato bug?

160
00:06:44,183 --> 00:06:46,823
Show me and I will smite him!

161
00:06:47,820 --> 00:06:49,699
No, my wedding ring is missing.

162
00:06:49,700 --> 00:06:51,786
It must have fallen off
somewhere in the garden.

163
00:06:51,787 --> 00:06:54,830
Okay, don't worry, i-it's got
to be in here somewhere.

164
00:06:54,831 --> 00:06:56,499
Uh, we'll just dig
around until we find it.

165
00:06:56,500 --> 00:06:58,619
Uh, well, yeah, yeah, yeah,
but-but please be careful.

166
00:06:58,620 --> 00:07:00,336
Remember, these are my babies.

167
00:07:00,337 --> 00:07:02,798
The hell with that. One of
your babies stole my ring.

168
00:07:08,380 --> 00:07:11,210
So I looked the guy straight
in the eye and I said,

169
00:07:11,213 --> 00:07:13,349
"We can do this the easy way

170
00:07:13,350 --> 00:07:15,412
"or we can do it the hard way.

171
00:07:15,413 --> 00:07:18,689
And F.Y.I., I like it the hard way."

172
00:07:20,060 --> 00:07:22,020
I think they get the picture, Dave.

173
00:07:22,040 --> 00:07:24,069
Especially after you drew them one.

174
00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:26,419
I got to give it to you, Dave,

175
00:07:26,420 --> 00:07:28,572
I-I had no idea you were
such a tough dude.

176
00:07:28,573 --> 00:07:30,459
Hey, I don't go looking for trouble,

177
00:07:30,460 --> 00:07:32,240
but when I hear it's looking for me,

178
00:07:32,250 --> 00:07:36,330
I raise my hand and I say,
"Dave Johnson, who dis?"

179
00:07:36,331 --> 00:07:39,679
Ooh! Hey, yo, Calvin, how
come you ain't never tell us

180
00:07:39,680 --> 00:07:42,160
Dave know how to throw them hands, man?

181
00:07:42,180 --> 00:07:44,505
I guess I never really had the time.

182
00:07:44,506 --> 00:07:48,135
Because clearly it takes
an hour and a half.

183
00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:52,160
Hey, Dave, now that I know you can hang,

184
00:07:52,170 --> 00:07:55,319
I run a little private casino
situation a few times a week.

185
00:07:55,320 --> 00:07:57,727
You know, poker, shooting
pool, throwing dice.

186
00:07:57,728 --> 00:07:59,562
- You should come by tonight.
- Uh, actually,

187
00:07:59,563 --> 00:08:03,099
Trey, I don't believe
that that's Dave's scene.

188
00:08:03,100 --> 00:08:05,900
What are you talking about, Calvin?
I love a good dice game.

189
00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:07,059
You know, I don't want to brag,

190
00:08:07,060 --> 00:08:10,439
but I once threw three
Yahtzees in a row.

191
00:08:13,141 --> 00:08:15,119
Man, you're funny.

192
00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:16,579
But don't make any jokes tonight.

193
00:08:16,580 --> 00:08:17,997
Laughing always leads to fights.

194
00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:19,707
Why?

195
00:08:19,708 --> 00:08:22,711
I never asked. Questions
also lead to fights.

196
00:08:24,129 --> 00:08:26,339
Hey, Dave, can I talk
to you for a minute?

197
00:08:26,340 --> 00:08:29,140
Yeah, uh, hold on. What's up?

198
00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:34,305
Look, trust me, you do not want
any part of Trey's "casino."

199
00:08:34,306 --> 00:08:35,639
Why not?

200
00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:37,719
It's a rough crowd, man.

201
00:08:37,720 --> 00:08:40,975
You say the wrong thing in
there and they'll whup your ass

202
00:08:40,976 --> 00:08:43,106
till you're as bottomless
as those lemonades.

203
00:08:44,220 --> 00:08:47,810
Okay, Calvin, I appreciate your concern,

204
00:08:47,816 --> 00:08:51,238
but I think I've proven
that I can handle myself.

205
00:08:51,239 --> 00:08:54,012
Okay, all right, look, I get it.

206
00:08:54,013 --> 00:08:56,953
Uh, y-you're feeling yourself,
and that's cool, man.

207
00:08:56,954 --> 00:08:59,600
But we both know things didn't go down

208
00:08:59,620 --> 00:09:01,957
exactly the way you've
been telling those guys.

209
00:09:01,958 --> 00:09:04,919
Name one thing that didn't happen.

210
00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:08,173
You running up the wall
to do a flying kick.

211
00:09:09,860 --> 00:09:12,130
Okay, well, name another.

212
00:09:12,135 --> 00:09:15,722
You running up that wall
to do a second flying kick.

213
00:09:17,050 --> 00:09:19,683
Come on, man. I'm just
trying to protect you here.

214
00:09:19,684 --> 00:09:21,172
Oh, you mean like the way

215
00:09:21,173 --> 00:09:23,437
that I had to protect you last night?

216
00:09:23,438 --> 00:09:25,309
Excuse me?

217
00:09:25,310 --> 00:09:26,859
Yeah, that's right.

218
00:09:26,860 --> 00:09:28,359
While I was taking care of business

219
00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:29,985
and you were just standing
there doing nothing.

220
00:09:29,986 --> 00:09:34,099
Oh. Oh, oh, okay. All right.

221
00:09:34,100 --> 00:09:36,367
So that's the way you feel about it?

222
00:09:36,368 --> 00:09:38,786
Yeah. That's the way I feel.

223
00:09:38,787 --> 00:09:41,662
All right, then fine.

224
00:09:41,663 --> 00:09:44,295
Knock yourself out. Or better yet,

225
00:09:44,296 --> 00:09:46,378
take Yahtzee and somebody else will.

226
00:09:56,400 --> 00:09:58,560
Hey, Dave, glad you made it.

227
00:09:58,580 --> 00:09:59,969
Oh, me, too.

228
00:09:59,970 --> 00:10:02,600
Wow, Trey, you've got a nice setup here.

229
00:10:02,620 --> 00:10:04,186
You even have a coat check guy.

230
00:10:04,187 --> 00:10:06,522
We don't have a coat check guy.

231
00:10:06,523 --> 00:10:10,019
Well, in that case it looks
like I don't have a coat.

232
00:10:10,020 --> 00:10:14,700
Uh, I brought some red wine
and a charcuterie tray.

233
00:10:14,720 --> 00:10:17,289
Uh, you might want to
give the guys a heads-up.

234
00:10:17,290 --> 00:10:18,869
The Roquefort is a little robust.

235
00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:22,179
Great. I'll let Mad Dog know.

236
00:10:22,180 --> 00:10:24,740
For a tough dude, he has
very delicate taste buds.

237
00:10:26,540 --> 00:10:28,479
Okay, what should I do first?

238
00:10:28,480 --> 00:10:30,672
I've got a hundred bucks
burning a hole in my coat po...

239
00:10:30,673 --> 00:10:32,740
Ah, damn it.

240
00:10:34,053 --> 00:10:35,749
It's cool. I got you, Dave.

241
00:10:35,750 --> 00:10:37,789
But next time, if somebody
offers to park your car,

242
00:10:37,790 --> 00:10:39,472
we don't have a valet either.

243
00:10:40,700 --> 00:10:42,320
Yo, guys, this is my boy Dave.

244
00:10:42,330 --> 00:10:44,894
That's Carlos, Ricky and Eddie.

245
00:10:44,895 --> 00:10:48,314
I'd shake your hands but,
uh, I have cheese fingers.

246
00:10:50,933 --> 00:10:52,194
Yeah!

247
00:10:53,180 --> 00:10:54,579
What's up with you, Eddie?

248
00:10:54,580 --> 00:10:55,779
You just got out of jail.

249
00:10:55,780 --> 00:10:57,500
That usually puts a smile on your face.

250
00:10:58,680 --> 00:11:01,319
I know, but my favorite
cousin just went in.

251
00:11:01,320 --> 00:11:03,747
He got busted last night
trying to rob a barbershop.

252
00:11:11,290 --> 00:11:12,720
What's that you say?

253
00:11:13,920 --> 00:11:16,340
Yeah, some clown jumped him with a broom

254
00:11:16,350 --> 00:11:18,136
and held him till the cops showed up.

255
00:11:20,140 --> 00:11:21,969
What a crazy story

256
00:11:21,970 --> 00:11:24,960
that I am definitely hearing
for the very first time.

257
00:11:26,640 --> 00:11:28,879
Crazy's gonna be what I do to the guy

258
00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:30,773
if I ever find out who did it.

259
00:11:30,774 --> 00:11:33,329
I would do the same thing

260
00:11:33,330 --> 00:11:35,695
if I ever found me... I mean him.

261
00:11:37,360 --> 00:11:39,949
Trey, why would you invite me here?

262
00:11:39,950 --> 00:11:42,279
Dave, I swear, I didn't
know they were related.

263
00:11:42,280 --> 00:11:43,500
But you gotta go.

264
00:11:43,520 --> 00:11:45,119
If I get any blood stains in this place,

265
00:11:45,120 --> 00:11:46,439
I'm gonna lose my cleaning deposit.

266
00:11:46,440 --> 00:11:48,590
Okay. Okay, okay.

267
00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:50,159
I... Look, I'm out of here.

268
00:11:50,160 --> 00:11:52,400
Uh, guys, it was very nice meeting you.

269
00:11:52,420 --> 00:11:56,300
Whoa, whoa. Hold on, man,
you can't leave. House rules.

270
00:11:56,320 --> 00:11:57,925
New guy always rolls.

271
00:11:57,926 --> 00:12:00,149
Well, that's very thoughtful of you,

272
00:12:00,150 --> 00:12:01,887
but I-I really should be going.

273
00:12:01,888 --> 00:12:05,429
But feel free to help yourself
to some charcuterie

274
00:12:05,430 --> 00:12:06,980
and a very oaky merlot.

275
00:12:08,103 --> 00:12:11,273
I wasn't asking you. I was telling you.

276
00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:14,484
New guy rolls.

277
00:12:20,540 --> 00:12:22,030
Okay, but, uh...

278
00:12:22,033 --> 00:12:24,009
I warned you about the cheese fingers,

279
00:12:24,010 --> 00:12:27,392
so if these dice get stinky, well...

280
00:12:27,393 --> 00:12:28,789
that's on you!

281
00:12:30,803 --> 00:12:32,377
Oh, yeah.

282
00:12:38,130 --> 00:12:40,450
Oh, my ring has to be here somewhere!

283
00:12:40,460 --> 00:12:41,799
Keep digging.

284
00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:44,019
Oh, okay, okay. But-but take it easy.

285
00:12:44,020 --> 00:12:46,015
You are destroying my entire garden.

286
00:12:46,016 --> 00:12:48,601
Oh, that's not true.
Your carrots are still safe.

287
00:12:48,602 --> 00:12:50,420
Oh, my God, it might be in the carrots.

288
00:12:51,438 --> 00:12:55,232
Uh, okay, this is a disaster!

289
00:12:55,233 --> 00:12:58,079
All I have left is two strawberries,

290
00:12:58,080 --> 00:12:59,653
some kale and a beet.

291
00:12:59,654 --> 00:13:01,220
If you'll excuse me, I'm going inside

292
00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:03,150
to make the world's saddest smoothie.

293
00:13:05,952 --> 00:13:08,869
I feel so bad for Marty.

294
00:13:08,870 --> 00:13:10,899
I think it's gonna be a long time

295
00:13:10,900 --> 00:13:13,667
before I'll be able to
eat a vegetable again.

296
00:13:13,668 --> 00:13:16,086
Nice try, Grover.

297
00:13:16,087 --> 00:13:17,339
It was worth a shot.

298
00:13:23,560 --> 00:13:25,630
Hey, Calvin, what are you doing home?

299
00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:27,682
I thought you were hanging
out with Dave tonight.

300
00:13:27,683 --> 00:13:29,520
Change of plans.

301
00:13:29,540 --> 00:13:33,200
Dave went to Trey's underground casino.

302
00:13:33,220 --> 00:13:35,620
So I decided to stay home

303
00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:37,690
and do something fun with you instead.

304
00:13:37,692 --> 00:13:39,361
Are you crazy?!

305
00:13:41,237 --> 00:13:43,697
You let Dave go to Trey's by himself?

306
00:13:43,698 --> 00:13:46,868
Okay, so maybe I should
have gone bowling.

307
00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:50,280
Calvin, how could you do that?

308
00:13:50,288 --> 00:13:52,413
You know how rough
things get over there.

309
00:13:52,414 --> 00:13:54,959
Hey, I tried to warn him,
but he wouldn't listen.

310
00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:57,659
So now he's got to learn the hard way.

311
00:13:57,660 --> 00:14:00,423
Because apparently,
that's the way he likes it.

312
00:14:02,620 --> 00:14:04,170
What are you talking about?

313
00:14:04,177 --> 00:14:07,232
Hey, you should have heard
him down at the shop

314
00:14:07,233 --> 00:14:09,499
bragging about how tough he is.

315
00:14:09,500 --> 00:14:11,832
- So?
- So?

316
00:14:11,833 --> 00:14:15,449
This is the same Dave whose
favorite season is autumn

317
00:14:15,450 --> 00:14:17,941
because he loves to jump in leaf piles.

318
00:14:19,940 --> 00:14:23,610
Come on, Calvin, give
him a break. You know?

319
00:14:23,613 --> 00:14:26,407
He's just excited 'cause he's
finally getting some shine.

320
00:14:26,408 --> 00:14:27,616
What do you mean?

321
00:14:27,617 --> 00:14:30,319
I mean, when you and
Dave go down to the shop,

322
00:14:30,320 --> 00:14:31,980
you know, you're always the big dog.

323
00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:35,333
The one in the spotlight
getting everyone's respect.

324
00:14:36,459 --> 00:14:37,668
What do you think that's like?

325
00:14:37,669 --> 00:14:41,130
Oh, I know what it's like. It's amazing.

326
00:14:41,131 --> 00:14:43,257
I meant for Dave.

327
00:14:43,258 --> 00:14:45,801
Come on, Calvin, think about it.

328
00:14:45,802 --> 00:14:48,208
He doesn't get to experience that.

329
00:14:48,209 --> 00:14:50,515
So can you blame him for
getting carried away?

330
00:14:51,580 --> 00:14:53,660
- Eh, I guess not.
- See?

331
00:14:54,400 --> 00:14:55,819
You know what? I better get down there

332
00:14:55,820 --> 00:14:57,080
and make sure he's okay.

333
00:14:57,083 --> 00:14:59,357
Oh, good. Take your coat
'cause it's cold out.

334
00:14:59,358 --> 00:15:01,080
Oh, I'm taking two,

335
00:15:01,100 --> 00:15:03,361
'cause ten bucks says
Dave already lost his.

336
00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:11,070
It's no use. We've looked everywhere.

337
00:15:11,077 --> 00:15:12,536
We're never gonna find it.

338
00:15:12,537 --> 00:15:14,932
Oh, don't worry, Gemma,
I'm sure it'll turn up.

339
00:15:14,933 --> 00:15:17,469
Look, maybe one day Marty
will be eating a salad,

340
00:15:17,470 --> 00:15:20,399
and boom... "Ah, chipped tooth.

341
00:15:20,400 --> 00:15:21,504
There it is."

342
00:15:24,520 --> 00:15:27,169
I know you're trying to help,
but I just feel terrible.

343
00:15:27,170 --> 00:15:28,559
First I almost lose Dave,

344
00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:31,305
now I lose the ring he gave
me when we got married.

345
00:15:31,306 --> 00:15:34,949
Okay, that's true, but
think about it this way.

346
00:15:34,950 --> 00:15:36,351
You didn't lose Dave.

347
00:15:36,352 --> 00:15:37,749
He's totally fine.

348
00:15:37,750 --> 00:15:39,813
All you lost was a piece of jewelry.

349
00:15:39,814 --> 00:15:44,162
You're right. I'm focusing
on the wrong thing.

350
00:15:44,163 --> 00:15:46,570
Dave's okay, and that's
all that matters.

351
00:15:46,571 --> 00:15:48,319
Exactly.

352
00:15:48,320 --> 00:15:51,240
I mean, if you think about it,
the ring was just a symbol

353
00:15:51,260 --> 00:15:53,037
of what's really important:

354
00:15:53,038 --> 00:15:55,002
the love we have for each other.

355
00:15:55,003 --> 00:15:57,664
As long as we have that,
who needs a silly little...

356
00:15:57,665 --> 00:15:59,541
Mom, Mom, Mom! I found your ring!

357
00:15:59,542 --> 00:16:01,336
Oh, thank God! Gimme,
gimme, gimme, gimme.

358
00:16:04,005 --> 00:16:06,757
It was in a little tray
next to the kitchen sink.

359
00:16:06,758 --> 00:16:09,779
That's right, I took it
off to wash the dishes

360
00:16:09,780 --> 00:16:11,304
right before I came over here to...

361
00:16:12,520 --> 00:16:15,340
Murder every one of
Marty's veggie babies

362
00:16:15,360 --> 00:16:16,809
for no reason.

363
00:16:18,300 --> 00:16:21,230
That is a very harsh...

364
00:16:21,233 --> 00:16:23,399
yet accurate way to say it.

365
00:16:24,540 --> 00:16:25,730
So...

366
00:16:25,735 --> 00:16:27,152
what are you gonna tell Marty?

367
00:16:29,239 --> 00:16:31,419
Well, sweetie, as hard as it may be,

368
00:16:31,420 --> 00:16:34,159
when you make a mistake
and you hurt somebody,

369
00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:36,480
you always have to tell them the truth.

370
00:16:36,481 --> 00:16:37,746
Oh, the truth about what?

371
00:16:37,747 --> 00:16:40,208
That I just found my ring right here!

372
00:16:41,751 --> 00:16:44,369
- But you just said that...
- Hey, hey, hey, kid,

373
00:16:44,370 --> 00:16:45,379
play your cards right

374
00:16:45,380 --> 00:16:47,465
and you won't have to eat
a vegetable for years.

375
00:16:55,848 --> 00:16:58,514
Man, you're on the hottest
streak I've ever seen.

376
00:16:58,515 --> 00:17:01,140
- Yeah, man, you can't lose.
- Yeah, lucky me.

377
00:17:01,160 --> 00:17:04,315
It's like I couldn't even get
out of here if I wanted to.

378
00:17:04,316 --> 00:17:05,540
No way, man,

379
00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:07,234
you ain't going anywhere. I'm up big.

380
00:17:07,235 --> 00:17:09,486
Come on, man, keep rolling.

381
00:17:09,487 --> 00:17:12,739
Okay, uh, anything but
a seven, right, guys?

382
00:17:12,740 --> 00:17:15,160
Okay. Please, God, a seven.
Please, God, a seven.

383
00:17:17,623 --> 00:17:19,121
Yes! I win again.

384
00:17:19,122 --> 00:17:21,170
Get over here, cheese fingers!

385
00:17:24,120 --> 00:17:26,280
Damn, I knew he was in over his head.

386
00:17:26,300 --> 00:17:28,089
Hey! Get your hands off of him!

387
00:17:30,380 --> 00:17:31,883
What's your problem, man?

388
00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:35,360
I'm not the one with
the problem, you are.

389
00:17:35,380 --> 00:17:37,930
Do you have any idea
who you're messing with?

390
00:17:40,460 --> 00:17:44,229
No, he does not, and I would
really love to keep it that way.

391
00:17:44,230 --> 00:17:47,579
Nah, Dave, this fool needs to know

392
00:17:47,580 --> 00:17:50,929
that you single-handedly
took down an armed robber

393
00:17:50,930 --> 00:17:52,988
at Que's barbershop yesterday.

394
00:17:52,989 --> 00:17:54,364
What?!

395
00:17:54,365 --> 00:17:56,422
Yeah, that's right.

396
00:17:56,423 --> 00:17:57,799
He whupped the dude's ass so bad,

397
00:17:57,800 --> 00:18:00,163
he sent him crying to his mama.

398
00:18:01,664 --> 00:18:03,166
Aunt Lorraine?

399
00:18:04,792 --> 00:18:07,961
So you're the guy that
got my cousin busted.

400
00:18:07,962 --> 00:18:09,796
Cousin?

401
00:18:09,797 --> 00:18:11,716
Oh, damn.

402
00:18:13,210 --> 00:18:15,659
Okay, well, Eddie, yes.

403
00:18:15,660 --> 00:18:18,680
Technically, I am the one
who got your cousin busted,

404
00:18:18,700 --> 00:18:21,100
but let's not forget
that I'm also the one

405
00:18:21,110 --> 00:18:22,323
who brought the charcuterie plate

406
00:18:22,324 --> 00:18:24,459
that everyone has been raving about.

407
00:18:24,460 --> 00:18:26,356
That's it, you're a dead man.

408
00:18:27,050 --> 00:18:28,274
Oh, no, he's not.

409
00:18:28,275 --> 00:18:29,776
Ha!

410
00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:37,741
Calvin! You said you didn't
know how to play Frisbee.

411
00:18:37,742 --> 00:18:41,454
No, I said Frisbee golf.
Big difference, Dave.

412
00:18:42,620 --> 00:18:44,100
Go, go, go!

413
00:18:44,120 --> 00:18:45,499
Hey, I'm just gonna take this.

414
00:18:45,500 --> 00:18:47,418
It's probably too oaky for you guys.

415
00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:55,050
I told you, Dave, you didn't
have to give me a gift.

416
00:18:55,051 --> 00:18:57,792
I know, but it's just my
way of saying thank you

417
00:18:57,793 --> 00:18:59,359
for saving my life.

418
00:18:59,360 --> 00:19:00,939
Look, if I hadn't gotten
such a big head,

419
00:19:00,940 --> 00:19:02,099
none of this would have ever happened.

420
00:19:02,100 --> 00:19:04,770
Well, when you put it like that,

421
00:19:04,771 --> 00:19:06,104
why isn't this bigger?

422
00:19:09,460 --> 00:19:13,270
Yahtzee? You got me Yahtzee?

423
00:19:13,277 --> 00:19:15,439
Okay...

424
00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:19,579
Look, I know it's not cool,
like Trey's dice game,

425
00:19:19,580 --> 00:19:22,161
but it's actually really fun
if you give it a chance.

426
00:19:22,162 --> 00:19:23,999
You know what, Dave,

427
00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:26,559
I'm gonna let you in on a little secret.

428
00:19:26,560 --> 00:19:29,522
And that's only because of what
you did at the barbershop,

429
00:19:29,523 --> 00:19:31,240
but...

430
00:19:32,940 --> 00:19:34,750
I love Yahtzee, too, man!

431
00:19:35,920 --> 00:19:39,428
What?! First I find out you
Frisbee, and now this?

432
00:19:39,429 --> 00:19:41,179
I know, I should have told you.

433
00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:44,119
Are you kidding me? Yahtzee and Frisbee?

434
00:19:44,120 --> 00:19:45,529
You throw in a cheese tray,

435
00:19:45,530 --> 00:19:47,270
and this is gonna be
the weekend of my life.

436
00:19:48,980 --> 00:19:50,815
I hope you like a smoked Gouda.

437
00:19:53,317 --> 00:19:56,350
- Synced and corrected by MementMori -
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